Aug 14
The wife and I were out of town for 2 days to attend her great-grandmother's funeral in upstate New York. Between the 4 hour car ride there and back (plus lots of family time) we had a chance to discuss how we personally would like our affairs taken care of when the time comes.
The first problem we both have is the whole body-in-a-box-while-everyone-stands-around-crying thing. I'm not a fan of that at all. The viewing was a great time for us to see family members that I haven't met (and she hasn't seen in many years). There were lots of old photographs of her great-grandmother enjoying life over the past 90 years. There was crying and laughing as a result from stories being shared. But there also was a DEAD BODY IN A BOX. The person never even looks right. They're normally way to pale. Sometimes they are way too painted up with makeup (like a prostitute). Eyes closed, no facial expression. Yeah, that's exactly what the person would have looked like while sleeping ... in a fancy overpriced box ... while wearing their best outfit. Have a memorial service for me. Have lots of pictures of me around. Have friends and family remembering me through stories being told in the room. Just don't have me there being Captain Bringdown.
According to the pastor that officiated the funeral the following day, the deceased WASN'T there. He must have said about 5 different times in a very stern voice, "Remember, she is not here. This body was just her home. Her spirit is living on in heaven." OK, I'm not one to rag on a person's beliefs (especially at a time like this) but it got worse. He ended up lecturing all of us on the fact that the only way to be in heaven is to accept Jesus as your lord and savior. He even mentioned the rise of Humanism. That word stuck out for the wife and I as we do consider ourselves Humanists. He explained that Humanism includes the belief that man has free will and can make his own decisions (this is true). He then told us that it is wrong and it is a very bad thing. I got pretty upset at this point. I understand that my wife's great-grandmother picked the pastor to speak at her funeral (this was one of her final wishes) but I don't appreciate his editorial nature. Aside from our church lesson he sang a few hymms and said a few prayers.
Luckily the eulogy was given by someone that could leave her own beliefs in her head.
When my time comes, I want a very generic memorial service. It doesn't even have to be held at a funeral home. It can be held at a family member's home and be kept very casual. I don't want everyone I know to feel like they have to put on itchy dress clothes just to pay their respects. Display pictures of me enjoying life with friends and family. Cook up some good food. Someone should have access to my iPod. I'm sure they can hook it up to a stereo and press the 'shuffle' button. Some of you will cry. I understand there's no way around that. Just don't ruin the event for everyone else.
As far as me, cremation will be fine. Keep the ashes ... or scatter them somewhere ... whatever, no obligation on anyone's part.
