How to use a public restroom like a germophobe

Let's face it . . . public restrooms are filthy . . . and you try to stay clean (and disease-free) What follows are in-depth instructions to follow in order to prevent germs in the restroom from coming in contact with your skin. There are many different bathroom visit variations that can exist. This is assuming that you are a guy who needs to perform number one in a restroom that has no automatic amenities (i.e. automatic hand dryer, touch less sink, etc.). If you're a girl you can follow along but be sure to "hover" over that dirty toilet seat. If you need to do number two please wait until you get back home. Some of these steps can be altered or skipped if the fine establishment was nice enough to include any of the aforementioned "automatic" processes. 1. You enter by pushing on the door. BAM! Your hand is already dirty from the other people that touched that door. You didn't see the guy with pink eye walk in 2 minutes ahead of you. 2. You need to wash your hands before spreading the germs to 'other' parts of your body. First, get a bit of paper towel out of the holder. The preferred method is to let it hang there so you don't have to lay it down anywhere. If there are other people at the sinks this may be impossible. 3. Next turn the water on, get lots of soap and scrub your hands thoroughly. Don't turn the water off with your clean hand. That handle is crawling with fecal matter from other people. Grab that bit of paper towel that you have and use it turn off the water. Use that same piece to pull the handle on the paper towel dispenser a few times. This will be your drying piece. 4. Dry off your hands and use it to pull the handle again on the dispenser. This little piece will guard your hand as you open the stall door, close it behind you and latch it. Lay the paper towel on top of handicap rail for use when you are done. Always use the handicap stall as it should be large enough that you don't brush against the walls when moving around. Don't use a urinal. As you pee into it, the splatter of everyone else's pee before you gets all over your legs and 'region'. When you are done with the toilet don't flush. Germs will shoot out of that thing like a geyser (especially if it's one of those jet-powered toilets). 5. Grab the paper towel from the handicap rail and use it to unlatch the door and open it. 6. Walk back over to the sink area and use the paper towel piece to dispense more paper towel. Follow steps 2 and 3 again. When finished use the little piece of paper towel to pull the door open so you can exit the restroom. With a little bit of practice you'll be able to smoothly open the door, prop it with your foot, throw out the paper towel and exit without looking like the maniac that you clearly are. The last step is very important since you can only imagine how dirty that handle is from all of the people that don't wash their hands before opening the door. DISCLAIMER: I am not this crazy about germs in real life. This has become a fun little ritual of mine but it doesn't mean I won't shake someone's hand or grab the handrail on an escalator. I just decided to dream up a list of logical steps for a germophobe to follow. After doing so I realize that I do make several good points. Hmmm. . . makes you think. www.derekmartin81.com

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